Category: Family

Perfectionism can feel like a constant battle—whether at work, at home, or even in the simplest of hobbies. I know this struggle well. Recently, our family of four was gifted a paint-by-numbers kit.

If you’ve never heard of paint by numbers, it’s a clever and foolproof way to create a pretty picture by simply matching paint colors with corresponding numbers on a canvas. Each of us had a different design, mine being the most challenging.

As we started the project, I was blissfully enjoying every stroke of my paintbrush as I carefully filled in the background and larger sections of my picture. The rest of my family finished their entire painting, while I took my time, meticulously ensuring that the designated colors stayed perfectly within their lines.

As I moved on to some of the more intricate details, my strategy to stay in the lines grew burdensome, and I was no longer enjoying the process. I felt tired, frustrated, and ready to call it quits. I reminded myself that this was supposed to be fun, so I put down my paintbrush and decided to finish the painting tomorrow.

The next day, while my family enjoyed Sunday football, I picked up my paintbrush again, determined to finish what I had started. Once again, I obsessed over staying in the lines, which became more and more challenging as I approached the tiny details. When I finally finished the painting, I looked at it in confusion.

I had followed the instructions to a tee. I accomplished my mission of staying within each line. My painting looked just like the sample picture. But instead of feeling successful, I felt let down.

I was disappointed that I didn’t allow myself to enjoy the process more—that I was so fixated on staying in the lines that I failed to observe the bigger picture. And ultimately, my painting looked just like everyone else’s who did this kit.

It was then that I embraced the freedom of painting outside the lines. I picked up my brush again and began to paint with curiosity, playfulness, and ease. I no longer felt stressed—I felt free to be creative, to make mistakes, and to enjoy the process. It was a gentle reminder that a perfectionist mindset has the danger of limiting creativity and stealing joy.

The Positive Side of a Perfectionist Mindset

Not all characteristics of perfectionism are negative. On the contrary! People with a perfectionist mindset often tend to be efficient, detail-oriented, hard-working, self-disciplined, responsible, organized, and full of integrity.

When properly channeled, a perfectionist’s drive can make a huge impact on the world—think Steve Jobs! When a perfectionist is in a healthy state of mind, they can spot problems and create solutions to make things better or more efficient.

The world needs perfectionists! Think of surgeons, engineers, architects, accountants, and pilots. Wouldn’t you want these people to make sure every part of their job is done meticulously and to the best of their ability? I know I would! So why do perfectionists tend to get a bad rap?

The Struggles of a Perfectionist Mindset

To paraphrase from The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery, authors Cron and Stabile discuss the struggles among perfectionists. They often have high expectations of themselves, fixate on small imperfections, believe their way is the best (or only) way to get the job done, are extremely self-critical, struggle with comparison, and feel terrified of making mistakes. Yikes.

I confess that I can identify with both the positive and negative sides of perfectionism. And I know I’m not alone.

So what can we do to stay on the healthy side of perfectionism and not fall prey to the downward spirals mentioned above?

Reflective Questions to Overcome Perfectionism

• Am I burdened or stressed because I’m setting unrealistic standards for myself and others?
• Am I obsessing over the small imperfections and missing the bigger picture?
• Am I constantly micromanaging, re-doing other people’s work, or refusing to delegate because I’m convinced that my way is better?
• Is my inner monologue harshly self-critical? Do I feel like if I don’t do things perfectly, I’m a failure?
• Am I trying to prove my worth through performance?
• Do I compare myself to others and struggle with self-worth?
• Does my fear of failure hinder me from making a decision or trying something new?
• Am I angry at others for “not doing their part” or “not doing it as good as me”?

When I reflect on these questions, I can see both where I’ve experienced growth and where I still need work. My next step is always to seek truth from the Bible and stand firm on God’s direction and instructions.

What the Bible Says About Perfectionism

While the Bible doesn’t use modern phrases like “perfectionism,” it does give us principles that apply directly to this struggle.

• Ephesians 2:8-9 – “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast.”
  → My salvation is not based on my performance. There is nothing I can do to earn God’s favor. His love is a gift of grace.
• 2 Corinthians 12:9 – The Lord says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
  → God uses our weaknesses to demonstrate His power. If we were perfect, we wouldn’t need Him.
• Ephesians 2:10 – “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
  → God did not create me to be perfect. He created me in His image, with value, order, integrity, and beauty. I am His masterpiece—created to do good works here on earth.

7 Mindset Shifts to Let Go of Perfectionism

When I drift toward the weight of perfectionism, these mindset shifts help me return to what matters most—love, balance, and grace.

• I can set goals, work hard, and pursue progress over perfection.
• I can choose to love myself and others by not sweating the small stuff.
• I can delegate, release control, and trust others to contribute.
• I will applaud my efforts and give myself grace when I make mistakes.
• I will not let comparison steal my joy—I am God’s handiwork, I am unique.
• It’s not my responsibility to “fix” everything—I can use my gifts to make positive change.
• I will not let the fear of striking out keep me from playing the game.

Conclusion: Progress Over Perfection

Looking back at that paint-by-numbers kit, I realize the picture was never meant to be perfect—it was meant to be enjoyed. Life works the same way. If we stay trapped inside the lines of perfectionism, we risk missing the beauty, creativity, and joy God intended for us. But when we allow ourselves to step outside those lines with grace, we discover freedom, growth, and peace.

Perfectionism whispers that we’ll never be enough, but God’s Word reminds us that in Christ, we already are. My hope is that as you reflect on these mindset shifts, you’ll let go of perfectionism and embrace the peace of progress, grace, and growth. You are God’s masterpiece—not because you are flawless, but because you are His.

Step outside the lines—you might just find the masterpiece God has been painting all along.